My life without Ford

It has been well over a year since I last posted on my blog. I started this blog to keep people updated on the health status of my husband, Ford. I obviously haven't been very good at doing this.
Ford's health took a turn for the worse in 2010. Towards the end of May our chemotherapy doctor determined that chemo was no longer helping keep the cancer at bay but was causing him more health issues. He was constantly in pain and very ill most of the time. We stopped chemo and he continued to sprial downward. It was very hard to watch him slowly lose momentum and decline in not only his health, but his physical body as well. The cancer was eating him away to nothing.
I wrote a book about his battle with cancer these past 11 years entitled, "Our Journey of Hope." I was able to finish it and get it printed for him to see the finished product and read it before he left us. I'm grateful for that experience and that I have his story written for our posterity and anyone else who may benefit from reading our book. I have a website that tells about the book, comments from some who have read it, and also a place to purchase it if one desires. My website is www.reederjourneyofhope.com for anyone who reads this and is interested in learning more. It was a labor of love and our whole family participated by sharing with the reader important lessons they have learned with their father and grandfather's cancer.

Ford went home on October 25, 2010 around 11:25 pm. All of his children were surrounding his bed and I was next to him. It was heartbreaking for each of us, yet, there came a calm feeling in our bedroom after we had sobbed our hearts out for our great loss. We could feel the spirit so strong and knew we were not alone, but had angels, family members from the other side, there to comfort us in our time of need. It was a very sacred experience and one none of us will ever forget. Our children really stepped up to the plate to help take care of things after his passing and lovingly watch over me to make sure I was doing okay. I know Ford was so pleased with each one of them! I certainly was! His funeral was on the 29th and again, our children stepped up and did a marvelous job. Each one of them participated in some way as well as our "other" children, their spouses. It was a very beautiful and fitting tribute to a "Man among Men" who lived a good life and meant so much to so many! He has touched more lives than even he can imagine. We all miss him dearly and I struggle every day to try and move on without him by my side. This is a very new and uncomfortable situation I find myself in now, but I know I want to be with him again. I will strive to be the very best person I can be so I will be worthy of that celestial blessing. I know he is close and is watching over his family. I have felt his sweet spirit at different times which brings peace and comfort to my soul. I'm grateful for the good days I can get through without a lot of tears and sadness. When the bad days come, I just have to give myself permission to grieve and then pray for the light of a better day to follow. The Lord has been very mindful of me and blessed me in so many ways. I feel His love for me and know He is carrying me at this time. I love Him, I love my family and many friends who are helping me get through this one day at a time. Without them I couldn't do it, not with much success anyway. You definitely need a strong support group to be there for you when you go through a major loss such as this. I'm extremely grateful for mine and love them very much!

So now I try to keep moving forward, baby steps right now, but hopefully even that will improve and I'll be able to take larger steps in the near future. I'm thankful for the gospel and the reassurance it brings that our family is eternal and this life is not the end. We have eternity to enjoy with each other, never to be separated again! I look forward to that time when my sweetheart and love of my life and I will be reunited. What a glorious day that will be! For now I'll just keep on keeping on because that is what Ford would want me to do. He has made me a better person with the life we have shared in mortality and I know there is much more for me to learn and be taught here and in the next life. Ford gets a headstart so he can teach me the things I need to know there when I join him. Thank you Ford, for being the wonderful husband, father, and grandfather you have been in this life. Keep watching over us and guiding us so we can all make it back home and be together throughout all eternity. My heart is yours and my love is forever!