New year and new growth

I decided it was time to share some of the things I have learned since my sweetheart was called home a little over a year ago. In some ways I feel I have been without him for so long, and then I realize the amount of time that has gone by and think,"Wow, I can't believe it's been over a year already." Time does soften the blow of loss, even when you don't want to hear those words, when it's still so fresh and raw. Nothing is comforting to you at that stage.

I have learned, firsthand, just how much my Heavenly Father loves me and is mindful of me. He has brought me along, a step at a time, and helped boost my self-confidence in my own abilities to do things. He has sent angels, mortal and immortal, to comfort me and lift me up when I was feeling so lost, alone, and wanting to hide from the pain I was feeling. I'm finding out I can do more than I thought I could. I have a saying posted in my kitchen which reads: "I'm STRONG, I'm SMART, I can do HARD things!" That's my new motto--to remind me I can do those things I thought may be impossible for me to tackle. With the help of the Lord and exercising faith, I can do what I need to do. We all can!
I've also learned that the veil is very thin and I have been blessed to feel Ford with me often. I feel very connected to him and know he is watching over me and his family. We were and still are, very important to him and he is nearby making sure we're doing well. We feel him at those special family moments and events when something significant happens to a child or grandchild. We know he's with us and celebrating with us. It's a wonderful thing to have this relationship with him beyond the veil.
I've been called to work as an ordinance worker in the Jordan River Temple and that has been very healing for me. I feel the spirit so strong when I'm there, and I've been promised I would also feel Ford with me, and I have! I have gained strength, insight, and knowledge with the things of eternity, just helping me realize I can and must go on. I am being prepared to be a worthy companion to my sweetheart so we can accomplish great and marvelous things together on the other side, when I finally get to be reunited with him. That definitely helps me stay focused and keep moving forward! My love for him continues to grow and I truly appreciate him and all he went through while here, to be able to stay just a little longer with his family & other loved ones. He is an amazing man! I feel so blessed to be his wife, not only for this life, but for all eternity!
I've learned what awesome children we have raised! They continue to inspire me, love me, care about me, advise me, listen to me, and just be there for me. The Lord has sent us the best of the best when it comes to our children! My love for them also continues to grow and I'm eternally grateful for their unyielding love and support of their mother. They have helped to make this transition without my husband, easier to manage. They can't take the pain away, but they help to ease the burden by their unconditional love and understanding.
My grandchildren have the ability to make me smile through my tears and make me feel so loved by them. I don't know what I'd do without them. They have been my salvation on many occasions. I'm sure they are not even aware when they have come to my rescue by showing me love, giving me a hug, sending me a letter, a text, an email, or giving me a call for whatever the reason may be, but during some of those incidents, I really needed to hear from them or to feel loved by them and they were there!
This journey is long and hard, but also enriching and spiritual. I've learned much and have much more to learn, but will continue doing the best I can because the reward at the end of this mortal life is worth all the pain and struggles I have endured. Being with the ones you love for eternity is the best reward of all! The saying,"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it!" is true indeed!
For now I'm content with where I'm at and what I'm doing with my life. I love and treasure time spent with my family, making memories together, I absolutely love working in the temple, and I so appreciate and love my friends who keep their loving arms around me as well. I am being watched over by those who are the most important to me; my Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ, my wonderful family, dear friends, and my eteranl companion, Ford! What more could I ask for, I'm truly blessed!

My life without Ford

It has been well over a year since I last posted on my blog. I started this blog to keep people updated on the health status of my husband, Ford. I obviously haven't been very good at doing this.
Ford's health took a turn for the worse in 2010. Towards the end of May our chemotherapy doctor determined that chemo was no longer helping keep the cancer at bay but was causing him more health issues. He was constantly in pain and very ill most of the time. We stopped chemo and he continued to sprial downward. It was very hard to watch him slowly lose momentum and decline in not only his health, but his physical body as well. The cancer was eating him away to nothing.
I wrote a book about his battle with cancer these past 11 years entitled, "Our Journey of Hope." I was able to finish it and get it printed for him to see the finished product and read it before he left us. I'm grateful for that experience and that I have his story written for our posterity and anyone else who may benefit from reading our book. I have a website that tells about the book, comments from some who have read it, and also a place to purchase it if one desires. My website is www.reederjourneyofhope.com for anyone who reads this and is interested in learning more. It was a labor of love and our whole family participated by sharing with the reader important lessons they have learned with their father and grandfather's cancer.

Ford went home on October 25, 2010 around 11:25 pm. All of his children were surrounding his bed and I was next to him. It was heartbreaking for each of us, yet, there came a calm feeling in our bedroom after we had sobbed our hearts out for our great loss. We could feel the spirit so strong and knew we were not alone, but had angels, family members from the other side, there to comfort us in our time of need. It was a very sacred experience and one none of us will ever forget. Our children really stepped up to the plate to help take care of things after his passing and lovingly watch over me to make sure I was doing okay. I know Ford was so pleased with each one of them! I certainly was! His funeral was on the 29th and again, our children stepped up and did a marvelous job. Each one of them participated in some way as well as our "other" children, their spouses. It was a very beautiful and fitting tribute to a "Man among Men" who lived a good life and meant so much to so many! He has touched more lives than even he can imagine. We all miss him dearly and I struggle every day to try and move on without him by my side. This is a very new and uncomfortable situation I find myself in now, but I know I want to be with him again. I will strive to be the very best person I can be so I will be worthy of that celestial blessing. I know he is close and is watching over his family. I have felt his sweet spirit at different times which brings peace and comfort to my soul. I'm grateful for the good days I can get through without a lot of tears and sadness. When the bad days come, I just have to give myself permission to grieve and then pray for the light of a better day to follow. The Lord has been very mindful of me and blessed me in so many ways. I feel His love for me and know He is carrying me at this time. I love Him, I love my family and many friends who are helping me get through this one day at a time. Without them I couldn't do it, not with much success anyway. You definitely need a strong support group to be there for you when you go through a major loss such as this. I'm extremely grateful for mine and love them very much!

So now I try to keep moving forward, baby steps right now, but hopefully even that will improve and I'll be able to take larger steps in the near future. I'm thankful for the gospel and the reassurance it brings that our family is eternal and this life is not the end. We have eternity to enjoy with each other, never to be separated again! I look forward to that time when my sweetheart and love of my life and I will be reunited. What a glorious day that will be! For now I'll just keep on keeping on because that is what Ford would want me to do. He has made me a better person with the life we have shared in mortality and I know there is much more for me to learn and be taught here and in the next life. Ford gets a headstart so he can teach me the things I need to know there when I join him. Thank you Ford, for being the wonderful husband, father, and grandfather you have been in this life. Keep watching over us and guiding us so we can all make it back home and be together throughout all eternity. My heart is yours and my love is forever!

This was the day we left our island to fly back to the main island & then fly home.

Ford & I in a 2-man kyak on the ocean close to our beach near our resort. You could see the fish very clearly in the water below the surface.

Jeff & I went down a natural rock/water slide in the jungle. We hiked close to the top of the rock falls & slid down-talk about fun!

This is what our island looked like-white sandy beaches & crystal clear, blue waters. The beaches are pretty much undisturbed as you can.

Beautiful waterfall we hiked to-this is our group in the foreground